"Bugs and Wishes" I recently heard an interesting approach in handling conflict between young children. It's taught in elementary schools and the simplicity humors me, yet I think this could be applied in adult relationships when handling conflict as well.
So, imagine this. A child is kicking the chair of another-the child on the receiving end could handle this by using the "Bugs and Wishes" approach.
He would simply say, "it bugs me when you are kicking my chair and I wish you would stop."
I think this is a very simplistic way in empowering our youth to handle these type situations. It's too often in our own lives within families, friends, co-workers or spouses that we have the most difficult times in addressing conflict; often times biting our tongue, holding back, expressing ourselves in a passive agressive or worse, agressive manner.
Imagine how simple this is when speaking to your tween vs ranting and raving for 5 minutes to make sure you're clear and understood- draining your energy while the tween often times tunes you out. Pretty counterproductive.
At this age, the simpler the better.
"It bugs me when you leave your clothes on the floor and I wish you would place them in the hamper."
Period. Point made. Move on.
This approach isn't designed to attack another, place blame, build resentment, bring up past hurts or hold back expressing oneself-it only addresses the situation at hand and allows a person the opportunity to express their preferred needs or wants.
So, next time you're in conflict with another, just remember your
bugs
and
wishes....
So, imagine this. A child is kicking the chair of another-the child on the receiving end could handle this by using the "Bugs and Wishes" approach.
He would simply say, "it bugs me when you are kicking my chair and I wish you would stop."
I think this is a very simplistic way in empowering our youth to handle these type situations. It's too often in our own lives within families, friends, co-workers or spouses that we have the most difficult times in addressing conflict; often times biting our tongue, holding back, expressing ourselves in a passive agressive or worse, agressive manner.
Imagine how simple this is when speaking to your tween vs ranting and raving for 5 minutes to make sure you're clear and understood- draining your energy while the tween often times tunes you out. Pretty counterproductive.
At this age, the simpler the better.
"It bugs me when you leave your clothes on the floor and I wish you would place them in the hamper."
Period. Point made. Move on.
This approach isn't designed to attack another, place blame, build resentment, bring up past hurts or hold back expressing oneself-it only addresses the situation at hand and allows a person the opportunity to express their preferred needs or wants.
So, next time you're in conflict with another, just remember your
bugs
and
wishes....
No comments:
Post a Comment