Written by Alexis
As you journey through tweenism, I think one of the most important lesson and skills we develop is time management. Time management is all about finding a happy medium* with your priorities and pleasures. For instance, if you get home from school and you have a lot of homework to do, but you really want to go play soccer with your friends. What do you do? The first thing you have to do is define your priority from your pleasure. Well, in this situation your priority would be your homework and your pleasure would be playing soccer with your friends. The next thing you have to do is find your happy medium between the two- it is just like compromising. It is as simple as telling your friends that you will play when all your homework is done.
Time management will help you not only now, but also in the long run. With your work life, your social life, school life, and home life. This skill is something I, myself have not mastered!
I just resently got The Sims 3 for Christmas- it is awesome- and the first night I played on it from 7pm to 2am. Reguardless this was my first time playing on it, it was still a lot. I mean when I stopped, my eyes were bloodshot! My mom told me that if I wanted to keep this game, I was going to have to still keep my priorities in check. This meant if I want to play, all my homework and chores would have to be taken care of. I understood this... didn't like it, but I understood it!...mom doesn't bluff!
If we as tweens get this skill down at a young age, this could be a skill lead by example with our own children and them applying it to their children from a young age, and them applying it to their.... your great-grandchildren! I mean time management is a skill that most adults do not even have down! And to think we would be one step ahead of the game!
A few tips that helps me:
1. Start with daily list.
2. Set daily goals, and action lists to reach these goals
3. Prioritize-for me it's family first, school second, play time last
It all starts when we decide.
Or in my case it takes a little push from mom.
* happy medium- (n.) a satisfactory comprimise
Monday, December 28, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Generation Me
Written by Leslie
"Why Today's Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled-And More Miserable Than Ever Before".
This is a great read and perspective on our youth's feelings of entitlement to getting anything and everything they want at whatever costs, truly believing it is their given birthright to fame, success, wealth and fulfilling their dreams-no matter how out-of reach they may be. I actually don't see this is as a bad thing. I, myself, raise Alexis believing she can absolutely conquer anything she sets her mind to.
But the issue lies more in the attitude...
our youth are no longer willing to put in the sweat equity it typically takes, usually taking the easier route, feeling "above that", and becoming more and more accustomed to instant gratification.
Over the years I've noted a common theme when as parents we become resentful, disappointed and let down that our own children are not
This is a great read and perspective on our youth's feelings of entitlement to getting anything and everything they want at whatever costs, truly believing it is their given birthright to fame, success, wealth and fulfilling their dreams-no matter how out-of reach they may be. I actually don't see this is as a bad thing. I, myself, raise Alexis believing she can absolutely conquer anything she sets her mind to.
But the issue lies more in the attitude...
our youth are no longer willing to put in the sweat equity it typically takes, usually taking the easier route, feeling "above that", and becoming more and more accustomed to instant gratification.
Over the years I've noted a common theme when as parents we become resentful, disappointed and let down that our own children are not
- appreciating their personal belongings
- having little sense of money management skills
- disrespecting their families and authority
- simply acting as if the world revolves them
As parents, are we being proactive enough in teaching our children responsibility for their own lives?
Is it the parental habits of enabling these behaviors by providing them with the latest gadgets, video games, computers, cell phones only to be replaced with the latest model within a year's time after they're damaged or lost by the child? Or a parent doing the child's homework, cleaning up behind their every mess, just handing out money without teaching the true value of obtaining it themselves? All the while, the child is on information overload, never satisfied and left with wanting more and more
...and we wonder why there are more and more attention deficits, more and more depression. The solution starts with our parenting and the examples and boundaries we're setting for our youth.
Older Generations are complaining about the Newer Generations as if they had little to no part in this. I personally feel there is MUCH responsibility- starting with how we're raising our children from a young age---NOT enabling them being one of the key issues.
Naturally the parent is only wanting to give the child the best and make things "easier" than the way they had it...but who is this truly helping in the long term? It's the parent's responsibility in taking actions prior to the child reaching their teen or adult years. We wait until they're in their adolescence and then decide-"they're old enough now to get it", to start taking responsibility for their lives
...however, they're actually less willing to "get it" at this age and more importantly the patterns have already been created.
Start when they're young.
The best gift you can give your child is creating situations for them to conquer their environment-
Is it the parental habits of enabling these behaviors by providing them with the latest gadgets, video games, computers, cell phones only to be replaced with the latest model within a year's time after they're damaged or lost by the child? Or a parent doing the child's homework, cleaning up behind their every mess, just handing out money without teaching the true value of obtaining it themselves? All the while, the child is on information overload, never satisfied and left with wanting more and more
...and we wonder why there are more and more attention deficits, more and more depression. The solution starts with our parenting and the examples and boundaries we're setting for our youth.
Older Generations are complaining about the Newer Generations as if they had little to no part in this. I personally feel there is MUCH responsibility- starting with how we're raising our children from a young age---NOT enabling them being one of the key issues.
Naturally the parent is only wanting to give the child the best and make things "easier" than the way they had it...but who is this truly helping in the long term? It's the parent's responsibility in taking actions prior to the child reaching their teen or adult years. We wait until they're in their adolescence and then decide-"they're old enough now to get it", to start taking responsibility for their lives
...however, they're actually less willing to "get it" at this age and more importantly the patterns have already been created.
Start when they're young.
The best gift you can give your child is creating situations for them to conquer their environment-
Ultimately, a sense of accomplishment, pride and self-worth makes a much happier person than any amount of wealth, fame or materialism. Isn't that what we want the most for our children?
Happiness?
Set your child up for success. Would love to know your take on the book or this subject in general....Happy Reading!
Happiness?
Set your child up for success. Would love to know your take on the book or this subject in general....Happy Reading!
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Words to Live By
Written by Alexis
From todler to tween, my mom would always rave about, "Me not having a mean bone in my body", but what I have noticed about myself and my friends is that no matter how sweet and inocent you are as a kid, you develop some edge or fiestyness along your journey tweenism. I am not saying you turn into this devel child, but we as tweens typically feel more rebellious against authority. Why is this? I do not know, but I think it is because we get a little tired of our mom or dad feeling it nessesary to cut our spagetti, or hold our hand as we cross the street, or constantly telling us what they think is 'best for us'.
From todler to tween, my mom would always rave about, "Me not having a mean bone in my body", but what I have noticed about myself and my friends is that no matter how sweet and inocent you are as a kid, you develop some edge or fiestyness along your journey tweenism. I am not saying you turn into this devel child, but we as tweens typically feel more rebellious against authority. Why is this? I do not know, but I think it is because we get a little tired of our mom or dad feeling it nessesary to cut our spagetti, or hold our hand as we cross the street, or constantly telling us what they think is 'best for us'.After so much, I think us tweens draw the line and say enough! Now is the time to start treating me like a big girl! Well, this might be our reaction, keeping it bottled up inside and when we finally say something, it all comes out at once. Let me tell you, you feel like a complete idiot after you are finished. You lose control of what you are saying and you turn into a monster!
This applies not only with talking to your parent, but also a friend or sibling. You do not get respect by coming from a place of anger or blame. When people see you yelling and getting overly defensive, all respect goes out the door. Especially in the future, when you are trying to get a job and you employer sees you blow up like that... well, you won't be getting that job! (Which stinks if it is a job you really want!)
When dealing with a situation where you have to get your point across, my mom would always tell me that you picture your head in your stomach and speak from the heart. This simply means that you say what you need to say, but you do not let your head get in the way of what your heart wants to say.
If it is something that is really important for the other person to hear, then they will really understand what you are trying to get across. If you yell and scream, the person will not really take what you said into much concideration. Chances are that if you tell them something that could possibly offend them, they will get offended, but they will respect you more for how you held yourself when you said it.
Words my mom tells me that may help:
"Say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't say it mean"
Words to live by!
Friday, November 27, 2009
Money Management
Written by Leslie
In the recent year I was introduced to a pretty simple concept that I've incorporated into Alexis's learning money management. She has done an amazing job staying consistent when distributing her money accordingly and is developing such a sense of pride along the way.
There is something to be said for the traditional methods of teaching and the importance of learning the basic skills of reading, writing and math. However, when entering adulthood and the "real world", these skills will only take a person so far when balancing a checkbook, budgeting and saving vs living payday to payday.
Our education system does not provide much guidance in terms of teaching our youth the value of money management. It is our job, as parents, to instill in our children our own personal values and guide them into responsible adults when managing their own finances. It is too often we send our children out into the "big world" with no true foundation of such an important life virtue all the while creating poor habits that creates a loss of control- allowing our money to control our lives, dreams, future. How can our children possibly be set up for success if we have little or no control of our own finances and money management? The beliefs and habits we demonstrate as a family is typically what is carried on by our future generations.
I believe one of the most important beliefs in teaching our children about money is
Money doesn't control ME, I control MY money.
The first step is to create systems to gain control of your money. I was taught an easy approach to this system by using jars. However, you can do the same with multiple accounts and managing your money online or simply transferring funds accordingly. I'm going to go into detail on the jar system which is easiest for children to learn.
Such a cliche, but the concept of "paying yourself first" is the most powerful thing you can do for yourself when managing money. So, I've got this system broken down 2 ways. One, for the parent to use as a guideline-"lead by example"....the other is for the tween to follow. Obviously there are certain expenses that the parent incurs that a child has the priviledge of not needing to budget for. Here's the breakdown for the parent and the suggested percentage breakdown into each account:
Financial Freedom Account (FFA) this account is your "goose egg" and you NEVER kill the goose. The monies from this account will always be distributed monthly or quarterly into some form of interest bearing account or investment.
Long Term Savings Account (LTSS) this account is your savings account when saving for large purchase items; car, down payment on a home, home repairs/improvements. Basically a savings for a rainy day or a long term goal.
Necessity (NEC) this account is for household expenses that are typically fixed monthly costs; mortgage payment/rent, car payment, phone bill, utilities, etc
Play (PLAY) this account is my favorite....for vacations, spa days, treating yourself, dinners.
Education (EDU) this account is for education, whether it be a child's education, seminars, a college course for self improvement
Give (GIVE) this account is for church and charity
FFA 10%
LTSS 10%
NEC 55%
PLAY 10%
EDU 10%
GIVE 5% -or if 10% tithe, taken from NEC account
Now for the Tween/Teen/Child, the breakdown would be a little different depending on age for simplicity:
Lex's is
FFA 10%
LTSS 55% (typically these are items that they save for to eventually spend)
PLAY 25%
GIVE 10%
The two main goals with this system are to control your money and not feel victim to your money, and secondly, balance is crucial. What I mean by this is putting all your money into savings or into bills and not feeling you'll ever have an opportunity to take a vacation in the near future, no matter how big or small (could be one night in a local resort hotel)...or circulating your money by giving to church or charity (creating the law of attraction, what you put out, will circulate back to you tenfold), these are simple principles that will free you up to feel more confident in your money management because you maintain balance with playing, giving, saving and your expenses.
Now, with the economic challenges we're experiencing these days, many would argue that either
A. They do not have the income to distribute into these additional accounts, only into the Necessity Account
or
B. We have no income coming in right now, unemployment checks are barely covering monthly food costs.
I would say to these people, start small. Even if it is just a dollar a week and breaking it down into the jars accordingly. It's the act in doing it. A child's allowance isn't much more than a few dollars weekly. It's the act itself. These principles will be remembered and applied in their adult lives.
The habit is created by doing it.
Live by example.
Talk to your children about these concepts and the importance of.
The first step is getting the jars and labeling them. Put them in a place where you can see them, preferrably clear jars so you can see your abundance. Not focusing on the lack of, but what you have-even if dollars at a time, you're more abundant than most of the world's population.
Gratitude for what is.
Set your child up for success.
In the recent year I was introduced to a pretty simple concept that I've incorporated into Alexis's learning money management. She has done an amazing job staying consistent when distributing her money accordingly and is developing such a sense of pride along the way.There is something to be said for the traditional methods of teaching and the importance of learning the basic skills of reading, writing and math. However, when entering adulthood and the "real world", these skills will only take a person so far when balancing a checkbook, budgeting and saving vs living payday to payday.
Our education system does not provide much guidance in terms of teaching our youth the value of money management. It is our job, as parents, to instill in our children our own personal values and guide them into responsible adults when managing their own finances. It is too often we send our children out into the "big world" with no true foundation of such an important life virtue all the while creating poor habits that creates a loss of control- allowing our money to control our lives, dreams, future. How can our children possibly be set up for success if we have little or no control of our own finances and money management? The beliefs and habits we demonstrate as a family is typically what is carried on by our future generations.
I believe one of the most important beliefs in teaching our children about money is
Money doesn't control ME, I control MY money.
The first step is to create systems to gain control of your money. I was taught an easy approach to this system by using jars. However, you can do the same with multiple accounts and managing your money online or simply transferring funds accordingly. I'm going to go into detail on the jar system which is easiest for children to learn.
Such a cliche, but the concept of "paying yourself first" is the most powerful thing you can do for yourself when managing money. So, I've got this system broken down 2 ways. One, for the parent to use as a guideline-"lead by example"....the other is for the tween to follow. Obviously there are certain expenses that the parent incurs that a child has the priviledge of not needing to budget for. Here's the breakdown for the parent and the suggested percentage breakdown into each account:
Financial Freedom Account (FFA) this account is your "goose egg" and you NEVER kill the goose. The monies from this account will always be distributed monthly or quarterly into some form of interest bearing account or investment.
Long Term Savings Account (LTSS) this account is your savings account when saving for large purchase items; car, down payment on a home, home repairs/improvements. Basically a savings for a rainy day or a long term goal.
Necessity (NEC) this account is for household expenses that are typically fixed monthly costs; mortgage payment/rent, car payment, phone bill, utilities, etc
Play (PLAY) this account is my favorite....for vacations, spa days, treating yourself, dinners.
Education (EDU) this account is for education, whether it be a child's education, seminars, a college course for self improvement
Give (GIVE) this account is for church and charity
FFA 10%
LTSS 10%
NEC 55%
PLAY 10%
EDU 10%
GIVE 5% -or if 10% tithe, taken from NEC account
Now for the Tween/Teen/Child, the breakdown would be a little different depending on age for simplicity:
Lex's is
FFA 10%
LTSS 55% (typically these are items that they save for to eventually spend)
PLAY 25%
GIVE 10%
The two main goals with this system are to control your money and not feel victim to your money, and secondly, balance is crucial. What I mean by this is putting all your money into savings or into bills and not feeling you'll ever have an opportunity to take a vacation in the near future, no matter how big or small (could be one night in a local resort hotel)...or circulating your money by giving to church or charity (creating the law of attraction, what you put out, will circulate back to you tenfold), these are simple principles that will free you up to feel more confident in your money management because you maintain balance with playing, giving, saving and your expenses.
Now, with the economic challenges we're experiencing these days, many would argue that either
A. They do not have the income to distribute into these additional accounts, only into the Necessity Account
or
B. We have no income coming in right now, unemployment checks are barely covering monthly food costs.
I would say to these people, start small. Even if it is just a dollar a week and breaking it down into the jars accordingly. It's the act in doing it. A child's allowance isn't much more than a few dollars weekly. It's the act itself. These principles will be remembered and applied in their adult lives.
The habit is created by doing it.
Live by example.
Talk to your children about these concepts and the importance of.
The first step is getting the jars and labeling them. Put them in a place where you can see them, preferrably clear jars so you can see your abundance. Not focusing on the lack of, but what you have-even if dollars at a time, you're more abundant than most of the world's population.
Gratitude for what is.
Set your child up for success.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Halloween Crisis
Written By Alexis
PART 2
PART 2
So after reading my last post, you are probably waundering what I actually was for halloween. I was a gypsy/ fortune teller, but let me tell you, there was a lot of stress that came along with it.
For one, I waited until one day before halloween, to decide what my costume was. I mean my mom even told me a week prior to this that I should have everything figured pretty soon. And of course, typical tween, I do not listen and procastinated. I took "pretty soon" as last minute! Well, here I am, the day of, scrounding around the house finding little things to make my costume recongnisable. I am talking on the computer, google image searching: girl gypsy halloween costume, and comparing to see what I have to work with. Luckily my mom had a box of really cool masks and clothing that I could use. Oh, my mom had a pretty full halloween day, so she squeezed in the day before as much help as she could offer. I was basically on my own. Talk about stress!
Oh my gosh! When my mom got home, the house was covered in jewerly and clothes from past attempts. By this time I had pulled it all together and I needed just one thing to top it off. I mean I had the skirt (which is a big deal for anyone who knows me), a very fancy vest, a shaw, a cool bracelette, a scarf transformed into a waist wrap, and a mystic attitude. Remember I am gypsy. So my mom quickly ran me to Joannes and got me this cool $5 head piece. Everything else we had at home. So my whole costume cost $5 and was really awesome. I got a lot of compliments and it was fun. You know, besides all of the stress. My mom and I were proud of ourselves.
So, was it a ton of stress? Yah. If I could do it over, would I change it? Of course. Will it happen again? Probably not. I cannot do that to me, let alone my mom. I mean she is the one who wants the best for me and will go to the end of the universe for me to be happy. She is the one whos day gets stressed over something as minor my having a small headache (which are pretty frequent for me). Believe me tweens, I am not the only luckly one, everyone our mom's would do this for us. No matter how stressed out the mom gets, the only reason she does it, is because she loves you.
Okay so, I did have some fun trick or treating (with all ettiquette applied), but I had the most fun brainstorming ideas. I acually did not realize how hard it was to find a costume that I really felt good to wear. Not only in comfort, but in the story behind it, the color scemes, the message. Anyway these are my top 5 easy last minute ideas for all of you procrastinating tweens...
Dead Sports Player -this could be from any sports uniform that you have gotten from playing sports and paint your face white with dark black circles under your eyes plus fate blue lips
A Witch- I know the most original, but you can find a way to give it some flair. Maybe add a characteristic quality that you have
An Artist or Evil Scientist- I put these in the same category because you can just use a white coat-ish thing and get it dirty with paint or dirt and you know. If you are a scientist, do your hair crazy and some dirt on your face. An artist, you could carry a painting pallet and use personally painted pillow case trick or treating bag
Pirate- it sounds hard, but it is not too difficult when you have the following things, some jeans, if you have uggs or boots, a white long sleeved shirt, a long knee long jacket, and a pirate hat (which you can get anywhere for cheap).
Poverished- just wrap yourself in a long brown, tan, or dark olive green old blanket with holes it
More importantly, the best advice I can offer is to NOT wait until the last minute, all of these costumes can be put together pretty simply.
I hope this helps add ideas and keeps you and your moms stress free next halloween!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Bugs and Wishes
Written by Leslie
"Bugs and Wishes" I recently heard an interesting approach in handling conflict between young children. It's taught in elementary schools and the simplicity humors me, yet I think this could be applied in adult relationships when handling conflict as well.
So, imagine this. A child is kicking the chair of another-the child on the receiving end could handle this by using the "Bugs and Wishes" approach.
He would simply say, "it bugs me when you are kicking my chair and I wish you would stop."
I think this is a very simplistic way in empowering our youth to handle these type situations. It's too often in our own lives within families, friends, co-workers or spouses that we have the most difficult times in addressing conflict; often times biting our tongue, holding back, expressing ourselves in a passive agressive or worse, agressive manner.
Imagine how simple this is when speaking to your tween vs ranting and raving for 5 minutes to make sure you're clear and understood- draining your energy while the tween often times tunes you out. Pretty counterproductive.
At this age, the simpler the better.
"It bugs me when you leave your clothes on the floor and I wish you would place them in the hamper."
Period. Point made. Move on.
This approach isn't designed to attack another, place blame, build resentment, bring up past hurts or hold back expressing oneself-it only addresses the situation at hand and allows a person the opportunity to express their preferred needs or wants.
So, next time you're in conflict with another, just remember your
bugs
and
wishes....
So, imagine this. A child is kicking the chair of another-the child on the receiving end could handle this by using the "Bugs and Wishes" approach.
He would simply say, "it bugs me when you are kicking my chair and I wish you would stop."
I think this is a very simplistic way in empowering our youth to handle these type situations. It's too often in our own lives within families, friends, co-workers or spouses that we have the most difficult times in addressing conflict; often times biting our tongue, holding back, expressing ourselves in a passive agressive or worse, agressive manner.
Imagine how simple this is when speaking to your tween vs ranting and raving for 5 minutes to make sure you're clear and understood- draining your energy while the tween often times tunes you out. Pretty counterproductive.
At this age, the simpler the better.
"It bugs me when you leave your clothes on the floor and I wish you would place them in the hamper."
Period. Point made. Move on.
This approach isn't designed to attack another, place blame, build resentment, bring up past hurts or hold back expressing oneself-it only addresses the situation at hand and allows a person the opportunity to express their preferred needs or wants.
So, next time you're in conflict with another, just remember your
bugs
and
wishes....
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Halloween Crisis
Written By Alexis
PART 1
Halloween my favorite holiday. Staying up late, hanging out with friends, creativity oozing from the costumes, I cant pass. Kids call it socializing city, parents a disaster waiting to happen! What parents-especially moms- do not realize is the transition crisis their little bitties go through. Before the kids get to actually enjoy themselves, kids - often around the age of 9 or 10 (tweens)- start getting conscious about their costume. Who are my friends being? Is my costume too kid-ish? Believe me I have hit that marker! This is nothing out of the ordinary! But there are a few things you might want to take into consideration.
The biggest thing a tween -especially a girl- needs is the moms or parents support. No different in this subject either. Even if the mom sees their tween girl trying to get out of the annual trick-or-treating get together with the neighbors, do not be alarmed! The girl might just want to hang out with a different crowd from school. Or maybe her friends are not going so she won't. This is okay. It is just her way of growing up and trying new things. As the mom, do not start reminiscing about when they used to... or when it was so cute when they... . I mean you can, but please do not express it to the tween because the tween still plays off of your energy. So if your tween might let an occasional whatever, eye roll, or some attitude slip, mom, it is your job to express to us that this is something you do not like, but it is okay to do when she needs to express herself.Encourage her to communicate with you with what is going on. I mean I can tell when my mom is on a crabby episode which usually is from bad day. I let her cool down a bit, then go in to talk. It is more beneficial for your relationship to communicate this way, instead of yelling or having an attitude war. That way the tween feels more like their mom is trying to be their friend as opposed to an enemy.
So I have noticed with little kids that their opinion on Halloween is, they cannot wait for their costume and all the candy. Hanging out with friends, how cool the costume is, what they look like does not mean squat to them. I have noticed that as time progresses, we base our costumes and opinion off of friends or idols. Tweenism has kicked in when we kind of let go of trick or treating with mom and dad and prefer to go to a friends house or to just walk around people watching instead. We usually still dress up in a costume like a witch or something easy and trick or treating is still fun, but as long as friends are around, not younger siblings accounted for, and mom or dad either stays home or stays quiet. Moms, this is typically how it goes. It depends on when the tween decides to not participate. You are not the one who makes this decision! If you try to, the tween might be mad or feeling like they are being pushed too hard and rebel which could lead to a fight.
Mom and tween, you might be wondering if the tween wants to still go trick or treating, what the proper etiquette is or right types of outfits are. As a tween, I am currently going through this. I do not have all the answers, but here is what I think.
Costumes:
As far as costumes go, I do not think Hannah Montana costumes are“cool” unless you are trying to go as a joke- then it is okay. So any Tellie Tubbies or Power Ranger costumes like that are very kid-ish. Cool ones could be witches, vaporises (girl vampires), professions, etc. . When I say professions, I mean chefs, artists, athletes and stuff are cool. Also, if you dress up as a fairy, ladybug, bee, is okay, but as long as they are not too over the top- that in my mind is appropriate.
Etiquette:
For tweens, it really matters how polite you are. You do not have to be as polite as Queen Elizabath, but even Halloween etiquette reflects on how your parents raised you and how people (mainly adults) percieve you. Okay, so say you are at this house and some little toddlers come up behind you. What do you do?
Well, the polite thing to do would be let the kids go in front of you.The little kids have not been trick or treating any more than a couple of years so it would be fair to let them go ahead.
Honestly, you should really just go at a time where mostly older kids are out so you can avoid this.
Another polite thing to do when out trick or treating is to always say thank you to whoever gives you the candy. There is always that one person on the block who gives out apples or packing peanuts, but no matter what, you should always say thank you and happy Halloween or something.
*And moms, a lot of times when you praise your tween for thanking the person, such as saying, “That was very nice” the tween feels better about it and are encouraged. If your tween maybe forgets to say thank you, do not yell out, "say thank you!" When my mom does that loud enough for the person who receives it, I feel like I am not polite and I feel bad. Then when I say, “Oh yah, thank you” often, the person receiving responds, “Your welcome” with a pity chuckle. So I am not saying your tween feels like this and maybe you feel like it does not even matter, but this is how I sometimes feel.
Back to tween etiquette, after the night is over, it is always polite to thank your mom/parent/guardian, or friends mom/parent/guardian for taking you. This could just show how you are adjusting to tweenism (whether it is graceful or not) . If you give them just a, “Yah thanks, whatever” and do not look them in the eye or even look at them when you say this, they probably will not take much from this. But if you say, “Thank you very much I had a great time”and look at them in the eye, they will probably be impressed and feel more appreciated.
So Tweens, as you can see, etiquette, costumes, and just your attitude will play a lot in how you are perceived at Halloween. It is not that you need to be someone different than yourself, just be yourself and make sure you are manner conscious. Believe me, friends, family, and just adults in general will appreciate it and realize how mature you've become. Parents, understand that it is important in supporting your Tween in expressing themselves not only with their costumes choice but believing that you've taught them well in their mannerisms and wanting to be more independent on this holiday.
PART 1
Halloween my favorite holiday. Staying up late, hanging out with friends, creativity oozing from the costumes, I cant pass. Kids call it socializing city, parents a disaster waiting to happen! What parents-especially moms- do not realize is the transition crisis their little bitties go through. Before the kids get to actually enjoy themselves, kids - often around the age of 9 or 10 (tweens)- start getting conscious about their costume. Who are my friends being? Is my costume too kid-ish? Believe me I have hit that marker! This is nothing out of the ordinary! But there are a few things you might want to take into consideration.
The biggest thing a tween -especially a girl- needs is the moms or parents support. No different in this subject either. Even if the mom sees their tween girl trying to get out of the annual trick-or-treating get together with the neighbors, do not be alarmed! The girl might just want to hang out with a different crowd from school. Or maybe her friends are not going so she won't. This is okay. It is just her way of growing up and trying new things. As the mom, do not start reminiscing about when they used to... or when it was so cute when they... . I mean you can, but please do not express it to the tween because the tween still plays off of your energy. So if your tween might let an occasional whatever, eye roll, or some attitude slip, mom, it is your job to express to us that this is something you do not like, but it is okay to do when she needs to express herself.Encourage her to communicate with you with what is going on. I mean I can tell when my mom is on a crabby episode which usually is from bad day. I let her cool down a bit, then go in to talk. It is more beneficial for your relationship to communicate this way, instead of yelling or having an attitude war. That way the tween feels more like their mom is trying to be their friend as opposed to an enemy.
So I have noticed with little kids that their opinion on Halloween is, they cannot wait for their costume and all the candy. Hanging out with friends, how cool the costume is, what they look like does not mean squat to them. I have noticed that as time progresses, we base our costumes and opinion off of friends or idols. Tweenism has kicked in when we kind of let go of trick or treating with mom and dad and prefer to go to a friends house or to just walk around people watching instead. We usually still dress up in a costume like a witch or something easy and trick or treating is still fun, but as long as friends are around, not younger siblings accounted for, and mom or dad either stays home or stays quiet. Moms, this is typically how it goes. It depends on when the tween decides to not participate. You are not the one who makes this decision! If you try to, the tween might be mad or feeling like they are being pushed too hard and rebel which could lead to a fight.
Mom and tween, you might be wondering if the tween wants to still go trick or treating, what the proper etiquette is or right types of outfits are. As a tween, I am currently going through this. I do not have all the answers, but here is what I think.
Costumes:
As far as costumes go, I do not think Hannah Montana costumes are“cool” unless you are trying to go as a joke- then it is okay. So any Tellie Tubbies or Power Ranger costumes like that are very kid-ish. Cool ones could be witches, vaporises (girl vampires), professions, etc. . When I say professions, I mean chefs, artists, athletes and stuff are cool. Also, if you dress up as a fairy, ladybug, bee, is okay, but as long as they are not too over the top- that in my mind is appropriate.
Etiquette:
For tweens, it really matters how polite you are. You do not have to be as polite as Queen Elizabath, but even Halloween etiquette reflects on how your parents raised you and how people (mainly adults) percieve you. Okay, so say you are at this house and some little toddlers come up behind you. What do you do?
Well, the polite thing to do would be let the kids go in front of you.The little kids have not been trick or treating any more than a couple of years so it would be fair to let them go ahead.
Honestly, you should really just go at a time where mostly older kids are out so you can avoid this.
Another polite thing to do when out trick or treating is to always say thank you to whoever gives you the candy. There is always that one person on the block who gives out apples or packing peanuts, but no matter what, you should always say thank you and happy Halloween or something.
*And moms, a lot of times when you praise your tween for thanking the person, such as saying, “That was very nice” the tween feels better about it and are encouraged. If your tween maybe forgets to say thank you, do not yell out, "say thank you!" When my mom does that loud enough for the person who receives it, I feel like I am not polite and I feel bad. Then when I say, “Oh yah, thank you” often, the person receiving responds, “Your welcome” with a pity chuckle. So I am not saying your tween feels like this and maybe you feel like it does not even matter, but this is how I sometimes feel.
Back to tween etiquette, after the night is over, it is always polite to thank your mom/parent/guardian, or friends mom/parent/guardian for taking you. This could just show how you are adjusting to tweenism (whether it is graceful or not) . If you give them just a, “Yah thanks, whatever” and do not look them in the eye or even look at them when you say this, they probably will not take much from this. But if you say, “Thank you very much I had a great time”and look at them in the eye, they will probably be impressed and feel more appreciated.
So Tweens, as you can see, etiquette, costumes, and just your attitude will play a lot in how you are perceived at Halloween. It is not that you need to be someone different than yourself, just be yourself and make sure you are manner conscious. Believe me, friends, family, and just adults in general will appreciate it and realize how mature you've become. Parents, understand that it is important in supporting your Tween in expressing themselves not only with their costumes choice but believing that you've taught them well in their mannerisms and wanting to be more independent on this holiday.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Introducing Our New Tween Blog
My eleven year old, Alexis, and I would like to welcome you to our new blogspot. We've created this space as a tool to share the experiences of tweens and the journey into adolescence or as Alexis calls it, "tweenism".
tweenism n. a state of being in between a child and an adolescent (teen).
This is a very impressionable time in which the child becomes more independent in thought, requires more personal space and begins to detach from parents whom they once idealized as their own personal "super-hero". I personally loved playing this role. Over the years I became amazed at even myself for these feelings of protection and offering such insightful direction (OR so I thought). Alexis would look at me as if I had these amazing powers of secret force shields surrounding her by just my presence of sleeping next to her, with eyes in the back of my head, super-human hearing, and it was back then I could heal all hurts with simply a kiss. Wasn't long until she found me out, realized I'm not supermom as she had once believed. She began realizing that I, too, am figuring it out as I go. When this happens, it is typical tweens begin to pull back becoming more independent in their own ideas, thoughts and opinions...
As a parent, we often react to this newfound independence from a place of fear that our little girl/boy is growing up. Our hero-like qualities are fading away. We become more confused holding onto the image of that little bitty that still needs us....right?
The truth is, this power we had felt, was simply the power of unconditional, pure love. Maybe what we were fearing was the possibility of this amazing unconditional bond between us and our child is what could actually be fading away.
Alexis assures me that's not true, not the case, nor even possible. If anything the bond grows stronger as tweens test their boundaries all while knowing they can rely on their parents if they stumble along the way. It is then our role to offer acceptance, love and direction only in a less hands-on approach. The true challenge lies in the parent letting go and allowing their little super-heros the space to find their own powers within.
Our hildren are angels sent here for us as parents to learn the true meaning of unconditional love; raising a tween is a period of time when we are presented with many opportunities to truly demonstrate the power of this love.
I don't know, maybe it's been Alexis protecting me all along.....
I hope you enjoy our postings and we encourage sharing your stories too. This is an amazing journey watching our little bitties grow into their own super-hero selves.
Let's enjoy the journey together!
tweenism n. a state of being in between a child and an adolescent (teen).
This is a very impressionable time in which the child becomes more independent in thought, requires more personal space and begins to detach from parents whom they once idealized as their own personal "super-hero". I personally loved playing this role. Over the years I became amazed at even myself for these feelings of protection and offering such insightful direction (OR so I thought). Alexis would look at me as if I had these amazing powers of secret force shields surrounding her by just my presence of sleeping next to her, with eyes in the back of my head, super-human hearing, and it was back then I could heal all hurts with simply a kiss. Wasn't long until she found me out, realized I'm not supermom as she had once believed. She began realizing that I, too, am figuring it out as I go. When this happens, it is typical tweens begin to pull back becoming more independent in their own ideas, thoughts and opinions...
As a parent, we often react to this newfound independence from a place of fear that our little girl/boy is growing up. Our hero-like qualities are fading away. We become more confused holding onto the image of that little bitty that still needs us....right?
The truth is, this power we had felt, was simply the power of unconditional, pure love. Maybe what we were fearing was the possibility of this amazing unconditional bond between us and our child is what could actually be fading away.
Alexis assures me that's not true, not the case, nor even possible. If anything the bond grows stronger as tweens test their boundaries all while knowing they can rely on their parents if they stumble along the way. It is then our role to offer acceptance, love and direction only in a less hands-on approach. The true challenge lies in the parent letting go and allowing their little super-heros the space to find their own powers within.
Our hildren are angels sent here for us as parents to learn the true meaning of unconditional love; raising a tween is a period of time when we are presented with many opportunities to truly demonstrate the power of this love.
I don't know, maybe it's been Alexis protecting me all along.....
I hope you enjoy our postings and we encourage sharing your stories too. This is an amazing journey watching our little bitties grow into their own super-hero selves.
Let's enjoy the journey together!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)