Happy Birthday Mama!!

Happy birthday to the sweetest, most inspiring, most supportive, crazy mama I am so blessed to have apart of my life! If I could learn to do things with half as much heart and integrity as you've shown, this earth would be a better place. Honestly, the world is a much freer and much more incredible world with having you apart of it. :) The Leslie thumbprints that you leave everywhere you go, glow back with a quality that is so uniquely you, it's amazing to see. Happy 29th celebration of life ;) - you really are someone worth celebrating!! I love you!!! oxox Bitty

free spirit from LOTLEO Films on Vimeo.

Our Love Affair with San Francisco

Alexis and I share a love for the city lights, tall buildings and big city flair. With this video, she does a great job capturing the lively colors and vibrancy of one of our favorite California cities on an evening drive through San Francisco

san fascino from LOTLEO Films on Vimeo.

szőke summer from LOTLEO Films on Vimeo.
Spending a leisurely, nostalgia-inducing summer with my jovial Szőke family. Holidays, birthdays, travel days and pool days illustrate the dog days of this lazy summer. Starring Sutton, Saxton and Staten (brothers) with guest appearances by Steve, Stephani, Alexis, Papa and Grandma, and Sable Szőke (zoh-kee) n. village in Baranya county, Hungary n. unique familia of love and fun

my daughter

Happy Labor Day!!

A Place We Belong

A Story to Be Told

Recently, I had a friend, (who intellectualizes if there is a higher power beyond ourselves), share with me that he felt life is simply like our own personal novels and that we are all randomly playing a role in each others own stories... that's it, nothing more. Always having been open minded to another's beliefs and philosophies; our conversation naturally got me thinking of the possibilities and a newfound appreciation of his views. This being my own thoughts and analogies about the subject. I could see where a good life could be comparable to a good novel both needing the antagonist and protagonist of the story because without these, our stories would have no directed drive. We would likely meander through a series of events without any sense of compelling inevitability. Then, when our story's climax arrives, it would likely be weak, not seen as the culmination and moment of truth so much as simply the end.

Never really changing scenes.

How boring and uneventful would this be???

This being the struggle between the protagonist and antagonist of our own stories representing this inner argument: is it better to leave things the way they are or to try and rearrange them motivated to challenge the status quo? Do we truly write our own stories randomly by free will or is there something greater at work? Maybe a combination of both?

The evolution of self = the struggle with self.

These are perhaps our two most obvious human traits - the drive to alter our environment and the drive to keep things the way they are. Whether compelled by circumstance, our environment or simply by chance, isn't change inevitable? So often we are scared of what it may look like if we attempt to make obvious changes to steer from status quo. Questioning ourselves in our desires to remain stable, secure, inside the box, not straying too far off of our current course, for fear of the unknown. Maybe those closest to us get a little concerned that the "changes" we make may affect their environment or worse, your relationship with them. It is these "characters" that come in and out of our lives, often being the catalysts in the change that lies ahead and do not even realize it. There are times that even the character who seems most aligned with the "Protagonist's" (YOUR) purpose may have a hidden agenda that makes them the perfect choice for Antagonist (THE RETICENCE OF CHANGE). Or, I have found that I might even play such a character as an apparent aid to the effort of change for another, and later reveal how that my own character was actually behind all the troubles encountered for that person, with good intention of course, but the end result?

Change for them.

Life, such an interesting game. I giggle sometimes thinking about how at the end of it our souls are all hanging in the same place high fiving each other for a good game played.

I digress....

Maybe we all do execute a little differently, but really isn't the end result and destination the same? Good and the bad. Lightness and the darkness. Negative and the positive. With no escape, we ALL have these same characteristics to contend with in ourselves and in each other. I believe, the key is remaining neutral to it all, trusting that in the big picture it is what leads us to the next chapters of change, evolution of self and of each other. Expanding us into a better version of ourself than the chapters before. We keep going, reading on, turning page after page curious if the story gets better. I could see how a good life lived could be comparable to a good story told, built on both good memories and even the tragedies of the chapters before; but for some reason, either way, we continue reading on. Hopeful the following pages leaves us with an even better story and good memories of the chapters proceeding until to the end. I say, be thankful for the characters who have shown up so far in the pages of your story. Be kinder to each other, less judgemental. Maybe work a little less on reading so much into another's story and focus a little more on writing your own great classic. Be grateful that good or bad, positive or negative, they have helped create the expanded, unwritten version of your story waiting to unfold.

....and Our Next Journey Awaits

So....we pulled it off...
See you there in a few weeks Bitty...I've missed you

Love of Bay Meets Love of People Watching by Alexis

Sunsets by the Bay Filmed By Alexis

Sweet Lullabys

Since I am not there to serenade you to sleep Bitty, I made this little playlist that will be a good temporary replacement. Thought you'd like the band too....Azure Ray...reminds me of you, sweet. If you look at the tracks there is kind of a theme going there. Sweet dreams my love, see you there

Happy Birthday To the Love of My Life!

HAPPY 15th BIRTHDAY ALEXIS!!!!

Click on the "Happy 15th Birthday Alexis" link above to open your very own online birthday card from a few friends and family :)
 
Although we are apart this birthday (first ever in 15 years!), you know your mama....the antenaes are up, satelites are linking up....I feel you and I am there in every way...just not physically baby.  So give me a big virtual hug and smile knowing I am there, in your heart...you feel it???  I do.

The last few weeks I've had so many of our friends reach out to "check on us" and see how we're doing apart...many wanted to know where you were staying or how they could reach you or send a little gift for your special day.  I am continually amazed at the remarkable love and support in our lives!  Especially times like these.  You are very, very loved by many Lex.  Feel this love, soak it up...it's YOUR day bitty!!  I am so very happy you are sharing it with many of those people today! 

Now, close your eyes....
Make a Wish......You Ready???  
Open them....now keep on believing in that wish... 

and its sure to come true.

I love you!!

Happy Happy Birthday Bitty Bee!!!!

Mama

i can feel it in my bones....

A Legacy-Mom's Chicken and Dumplings

feliz dia das mães from LOTLEO Films on Vimeo.

A Short Story by Alexis Szoke

I just read this Alexis and it brought tears to my eyes.  One small gesture, one simple conversation, and you created such an amazing tale of it all with exact emotion and processing that is so spot on, only I know.  You truly are a talent, not just an author and an amazing story teller, but your ability to see through the surface and go so much deeper, it truly is amazing.  Special.  I love you so much and so excited to see your work evolve.  You are a vessel of healing for many and with this is big responsibility. I believe in you.  You truly are brilliant.  Stay humbled, do your best and as we say, God will do the rest.  I love you.  Mom

 

 

Help. Help! …Help? Is there a difference between being nice to someone and being a help to someone? You see, I’ve contemplated this little word, help, for years. It wasn’t until an average inner city bus ride that I really understood what it was to help.

    “HONK HONK!” goes the streamlining 38 pulling into its stop. A cluster of people pile in, most without seats, even more without homes. We all slightly serge forward as the bus comes to an abrupt halt. I hear the erratic car sirens and cling of bicycle bells as they mold around the bus’s changing speeds. Shuffling around are people making their way through, trying to find a place on the overhead railing for their hand. I try and keep my head down, but I can’t help but glance up when a rotten unidentifiable scent spills through the limited air. This scent is one I could only explain as homeless. Not an uncommon smell, but it sure does command your attention.

As the bus takes off, I scan the now settled area that lies around me, no one person more put off than the next. The pressed business man hiking up his sleeve with one dramatic out stretch of his arm to glance at his watch he just looked at 29 seconds ago. I know it was 29 seconds because that’s exactly the time between sneezes coming from the congested lady sitting shoulder to the man. He seems to hide little tolerance for her discomfort. As I scan the front of the bus, among the grey-scale rainbow of groggy faces and blank stares, I find a man in battered clothes and a scruffy chin. It was him, I knew it. He was like the stink bomb someone threw into the broom closet and then locked the door behind them. Gasping for clean air between my muffled breaths, I am relieved when the bus comes to another halt. I quickly yank one of the windows open as discretely as I can beneath the screeching brakes and off balanced footing. I am discrete because I see the looks people get when they’ve opened the windows in the past. It’s the middle of winter in gusty San Francisco and you are seriously going to open that window? I’m not being courteous, but I don’t care. They have to smell it too.

Before I can return back to my unassuming hunch, I notice a new wave of passenger’s board. The all look as faceless as the rest, lightly grazing the crowd for a place to stand. Just then, the last pick up walks up the steps: an elderly- withering- old lady. I watch many eyes scat hers. Everyone knows you give up your seat for an old lady; everyone knows that. The group I’m among instead takes to their phones and books and shoves them up their noses, slightly more interested than they were five seconds ago. Selfish. I wish I had a seat to give to her. I even thought about excusing the person sitting under me with her side flapped hair and dark black attire. A, that’s rude. And B, from the way she looks, better not. But then I hear a muffle coming from up front. It’s the man I was so shamelessly repulsed by in my head. He pops out of his seat like he sat on a thumbtack and says something with a quiet gesture in the lady’s direction. I watch the lady shrivel into her seat with gratitude on her lips, but as the bus takes a wide turn a gust of chilling wind sweeps through the corridor and the lady stops what she was saying as she brushes her hands against her arms. I close the window. She is why I shouldn’t have opened it in the first place.

    My eyes remain forward until my stop at Powell. I think about what that man did for the old lady. It’s something I would have done myself; I’ve watched many do before me, but maybe it was just the fact that he stood out because no one else was willing to. Or maybe it was because of him. I look at his clothes dressed in stains and discoloration; I recall his putrid smell that overwhelms my nostrils- I can’t imagine his life is full of many daily comforts. Where will he be sleeping tonight? Perhaps a park bench or the inside of a cardboard box? He had a seat on the bus for two seconds and he gave it up just as fast; selflessly. The man in the business suit couldn’t even keep a still face with the lady with a cold sitting next to him. I didn’t have a chance to see what he looked like when the homeless man walked on, but I’m sure it was disgust.

    I walk off the bus and thank the bus driver, as I do every time and to my surprise, the homeless man gets off as well. I continue on my way to get a coffee at the café on the corner. The man stationed himself just off the bus stop where a shopping cart full of trash bags and blankets waits for him. My mind stays set on the bus ride. Past the school of clicking heels and hurried paces, I take my place in line for coffee. There are always lines in the city. Everywhere. This give me more empty time to think. I think about my morning: I wake up and get the paper, wave to our neighbor and go back inside. Once out the door again, I hustle my way up the current of pedestrians to reach the bus stop. While waiting for the light, I catch the eye of a little girl who was eyeing my pink piggy key chain. I smile and rush to the bus, getting on just in time. There are no seats, so I stand. I wished I didn’t have to because I accidently grabbed a pair of shoes that I normally don’t wear because they rub on my heels. I didn’t do anything like what that man did. He seemed to do it without even thinking about it. I rack my brain trying to think if there was anything I did without meaning to. No. If anything, I didn’t do a lot of things without meaning to. There was only one newspaper between my neighbor’s and my house- I didn’t even offer it to him. The pedestrians- I probably pushed a few people out of the way as I attempted to move past them. Inconsiderate. When I got to the light, the little girl was looking at my key chain. I didn’t even smile at her. It was a long light; I could have let her click the button on it that makes oinking noises. She would have liked that. Nothing. Well, I guess I did thank the bus driver….

    No. What that man did was genuinely help that woman. Here I am racking my brain on ways I could just be nice to people. There is a difference between being nice to someone without going out of your way and actually going out of your way to make it easier on someone.

    So that’s what I did. I walked out of the coffee shop with a coffee in my right hand and a water bottle and bagel in my other. As I struggled for the door, a woman kindly opened it for me. She helped me. I walk back down to the bus stop, happy to see the man still stationed by his cart. He was turned away when I walked up behind it and set the water and bagel on top of a pile of blankets. I did not change pace between the actions. I made sure it was stable and would roll off and then kept forward. He doesn’t need to know it was me, but I knew it was me. I wasn’t just being nice and I didn’t want him to think I was. He needed a little help just like that old lady did and just like I did. Just like we all do.

    A bus ride I will never forget. It reminded me how to help.

some favorites :)

Happy Mother's Day Mama

Everyone says one person can't change the world, but I beg to differ.  One person CAN change the world and I know it because she lives everyday, convincing me I can do the same.  That one person who can change the world, that person is you.

You, the one person that means the world to me.  Who raises mountains just to set  me on top of.  Who fights off challengers that dare come near.  Who calms the seas so I can skate along the water.  Who beckons wind that carries me to fly.

YOU are one of God's secret weapons (he told me so himself).  You, who does miraculous things that only I could know   Who wears her excellence just in her name.  Mom.

Everyone who says one person can't change the world obviously hasn't met you.  I love you with all my heart, Mama.  Always and forever.

Happy Mother's Day

I am VERY proud to say....

Simply Said Saturday

A LOTLEO film featuring "Woody"

Woody from LOTLEO Films on Vimeo.

...and Often I Smile

Neither time, distance, circumstance would replace these feelings of love.

Surrender they say, cause true love never dies.

A long, fought battle

left broken and defeated.

A battle not lost, a truce is made.

My heart is awake and

for this I smile.

Thinking of you, cause true love never dies.

Simply Said Saturday

After a week of such tragic events, it is easy to feel a little defeated; humbled. This is a time of rememberance in our own lives what is most important and being grateful for even the smallest blessings. It is these times that we pull the most from our faith in God and in each other; regardless of differences. It is so easy to feel love, give love and be love when the situation or person is loving. The true testament is choosing to make a genuine, conscious effort to be love, even if the situation or people are not loving. When we lead with love, miracles follow.

Locks Of Love

Mom and I donated a combined 20 inches of our brunette hairs to the Locks Of Love Foundation!! The Locks of Love Foundation gives the hair you donate to children without. Those suffering from medical hair loss conditions are gifted with hair pieces and wigs from you that enhance their confidence and boost their self-esteem. Just a quick snip and a postage stamp and you can make a child's day.

LOTLEO's Locks of Love from LOTLEO Films on Vimeo.

Visit the Locks of Love website to find out how you can donate: locksoflove.org/

Always Remember....

"When we come into contact with the other person, our thoughts and actions should express our mind of compassion, even if that person says and does things that are not easy to accept. We practice in this way until we see clearly that our love is not contingent upon the other person being lovable" ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Simply Said Saturday

Easy Map to Peace of Mind

Bark Bark and Bitty Bee

Bark Bark from LOTLEO Films on Vimeo.

Simply Said Saturday

 

20 Things You Shouldn't Tolerate

 

 

 

1. People who bring you down.

2. A work environment or career field you dislike.

3. Your own negativity.

4. Unnecessary miscommunication.

5. A disorganized living and working space.

6. Your own tardiness.

7. Pressure to fit in with the crowd.

8. An unhealthy body.

9. Fear of change.

10. All work and no play.

11. People or beauty ads that make you feel inadequate.

12. Not getting enough sleep.

13. Doing the same exact thing over and over again.

14. Personal greed.

15. A mounting pile of debt.

16. Dishonesty.

17. Infidelity.

18. An unsafe home.

19. Being unprepared.

20. Inaction.

Simply Said Saturday

Our Version of Trail Mix for the Day

Every morning I watch as my mom blends our smoothies and then prepares these little bags of "trail mix" for the day.

 Ingredients: Bosch pear, walnuts, soy beans, sweet pepper (the yellow ones are high in Vitamin C), cherry tomatoes.

Usually we throw in an apple too! These are all very easy to grab, wash and go!

Love Is In the Air

Years ago, when considering the dreaded talk of the birds and bees with Alexis, I realized that this talk, (which most parents consider with careful dialogue) is probably not of less importance, but possibly of equal importance in understanding the foundation of love; love of self. Alexis at this age has expressed very little interest in boys and the ideals of love. However, I await the day some young, dapper lad catches her eye. My biggest hope is that he is just as spiritually aware and connected as I've instilled in her to be. Although I haven't been married, or shown much interest in attaching myself to another at this point of my journey, I do understand the upmost importance of preparing myself spiritually before committing in doing so. What I have learned is until you commit to yourself fully in Spirit, it makes for a tough foundation when loving others.

"What if You’re Not Spiritually Prepared? No matter how great two people are, both need to be spiritually prepared for a relationship to work. If not, the relationship is not necessarily doomed, but surely going to suffer under strains that could crack the foundation and bring it crumbling down. Think of it this way: would you start a business without the training and knowledge to run it? Would you build a house without being trained in construction? Would you perform medical procedures without medical training? Probably not—you’d know that most likely, the results could be disastrous. To be successful at a relationship, you need to prepare your spirit— the most important part of you for connecting with others.

What is Spiritual Preparation? Spiritual preparation doesn’t necessarily involve getting more religious or dogmatic. You don’t have to become a saint or wait until you’re as enlightened as the Buddha. The key to spiritual preparation is learning to know, accept and love yourself first. When you fix your relationship with yourself, you will be prepared for a healthy relationship with someone else.

What Does Spiritual Preparation Entail? People’s needs vary, but preparation generally begins with healing from the past— abuse, illness, or loss. It doesn’t necessarily mean being cured; if you have a chronic condition that is incurable, part of your preparation may be learning to accept it and go on with your life. The next stage is self-exploration; you go deep within to discover who you really are. There should be no judgment; it’s a process of honest discovery. Reflect on what you learn about yourself. Accept yourself as an imperfect but trying human being. If you have qualities you thought of as weaknesses, turn them around and look at them as strengths. Instead of considering stubbornness a hindrance, realize you can use that tenacity to focus and work toward your goals. Instead of thinking yourself as overly-sensitive, realize this quality makes you a compassionate human being. Make peace with yourself and who you are; and if there are things that you really don’t admire in yourself, begin working towards changing them. You are a work in progress. Finally, you need to examine and distinguish between what you want and what you need, and learn to accept that what you want is sometimes exactly what you don’t need. It’s important to know this so you can know what to look for in a lover. It’s important to find someone who shares your values, and shares your vision of the future, so you can move forward together on your paths, side-by-side, hand-in-hand.

 

What Happens When You’re Spiritually Prepared? Once you are spiritually prepared, you’ll find that the universe opens the door to a wealth of love for you. You’ll not only meet your potential life mate, but you’ll find you make friends more easily and even your relationship with family members will begin to improve. The single most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself; once you nurture and fix yourself, you will find it much easier to connect with others and nurture those relationships in a healthy way."

I personally have had a few relationships where me, as well as the other person, were far from leading our best lives and being connected to our higher self. However, we still chose to continue searching in all of the wrong places; specifically through each other. I've also had the opportunity in recent years to share myself in love but chose to reevaluate. I knew it was long overdue for me to understand that although he may be the love of my life, the love in my life was deeply lacking. I was simply running on empty. He was more than ready to share his life with another, I was far from it. I knew deep in my core I needed to heal, make peace with myself and work towards my best version because we both deserved more than the version I was at that stage in my life. Ultimately, he got what he wanted and I truely believe that I did too! Self love. As difficult as it was to make this choice at that time, the rewards have been exponential. By being true to myself; the healing, love for myself and the love that I give to others, the openness that I have, the peace I feel now...it has been worth the sacrifice. When you can be in love with Spirit, with yourself, and the present-moment after moment; THIS is true unconditional love. Nobody, not even the love of your life can love you back in this way until you find it in yourself first. The love that finds its way to you will be so much more rich and full because of the love you have awakened in your heart. So, my dear Bitty Bee. Although you're only just shy of 15 yrs old and many, many years from having to contemplate such things as the birds and the bees or those dirty, silly boys;in the meantime, take these words of advice from your mama and get yourself spiritually prepared! I promise you, it will be every bit worth the wait... Happy Valentines!!

Simply Said Saturday

"Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment"

home with my favorite girl....

Simply Said Saturday....Quotes That Make the Heart Smile

A Daughter Needs A Mom

to encourage her to laugh as often as possible.

to show her how to put a little love in everything she does.

to tell her it's okay to be a tomboy.

to teach her how to be a lady.

to give her the freedom to express herself.

to indulge her individuality.

Lessons From Madame Chic by Jennifer L Scott

One of my favorite books right now! The premise is Parisian tips for the feminine American. Anything from common courtesies, to chic simplistic fashion attire and so, so much more!! Check out "Lessons from Madame Chic" by Jennifer L. Scott on the shelves or online - you will love it!! Mama and I are expecting to spend the Christmas Holidays and bringing in the 2014 New Year in Paris so stay tuned for our own little parisian inspirations to come later this year!